even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
