I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
