i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
