God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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