So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
