What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
