Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
