What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
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