i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just had sex on a roof
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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