I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
