Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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