Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
