Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
