seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize