was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize