DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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