please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
