Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"

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(541): View more from Oregon

I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.

(1-541): View more from Oregon

Miracles do happen.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.

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(905): View more from Ontario

Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.

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(817): View more from Texas

Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.

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(407): View more from Florida

I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I want a musical about memes.

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