Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
