If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
