we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
