You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
