you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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