Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
