Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
