Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
