If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
