That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
