Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
