things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
