Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize