i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
