he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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