my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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