Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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