She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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