What did we do last night that was yellow?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How's work?
Spinning.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize