How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
babies were throwing up all over the place
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize