Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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