dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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