she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
