New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
