Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
