So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
