Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
