You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
