Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
