She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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