I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
