When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My dick has a subreddit
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
