Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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