You're my little dorito
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
