he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
