His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
please come you make the beer taste better
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize