I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
