I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
