i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
