I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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