I showed him my bush... on skype.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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