So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
