Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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