I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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