she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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