gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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