i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
