Swine flu is the new snow day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
