All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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