think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
