im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
