You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
