well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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