I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
