he thought i was a dude.
The best revenge is premature balding
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
