Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
